RIP – BRENT GREEN

EXPIRED: 11/30/09 – Brent Green, 33, was one Australian who should have stayed on dry land. And if he couldn’t stay on dry land, he should have bought a better surfboard.

RIP – KIKI THE GIANT TORTOISE

EXPIRED: 11/30/09 – Kiki, 146, was 550 pounds and had to be moved around using a fork-lift machine. He was also a prolific and noisy lover, making him a favorite of the French public.

RIP – CLARENCE PETTY

EXPIRED: 11/30/09 – Clarence Petty, 104, was a voice for the wilderness. He was a park ranger, conservationist, and avid outdoorsman well-known for his advocacy of protection of the Adirondacks. However, his defense of the wilderness often put him at odds with other Adirondackers.

For the first few years of his childhood, Petty lived in a cabin on Upper Saranac Lake, NY. As a boy, he hunted and trapped in the neighboring woods.

RIP – SOLANGE MAGNANO

EXPIRED: 11/29/09 – Solange Magnano, 38, was a former Miss Argentina who wasn’t asking for world peace, or  to end world hunger, or even for a cure for cancer.

Magnano was just asking for a hotter ass.

Forget about it being unnecessary…it was simple in comparison, and probably easily done. Right?

Wrong.

RIP – MIKE PENNER

EXPIRED: 11/27/09 –

RIP – Mike Penner, 52, was a transsexual sportswriter. I think that’s a pretty brave thing to be.

See, first Penner was a well-respected male sportswriter. He spent 23 years with the LA Times.

And then, 2 years ago, he went on vacation and came back to his readers as someone very different, making international headlines in 2007 when he announced he was transsexual and began working under the byline “Christine Daniels.”

RIP – GIORGIO CARBONE

EXPIRED: 11/25/09 – Giorgio Carbone, 73, who had a plan.

Step 1. Draw attention to a bit of missing information in a couple of Vatican documents.

Step 2. Make a few hundred people call him ‘Your Highness’.

Step 3. Get some free cheese.

Simple, yet uncannily effective.

RIP – ROBERT DEGEN

EXPIRED: 11/23/09 – Robert Degen, 104, never did the “Hokey Pokey” at his wedding. When he married Vivian, his wife of 74 years, he hadn’t yet gotten around to writing the song which is now – unfortunately –  known around the globe and danced, drunkenly, at nearly every wedding reception for the last 60 years.

For those who aren’t familiar, the “Hokey Pokey” asks for people to form a circle, names specific body parts which are then sequentially put into the circle, taken out of the circle, and finally wiggled around maniacally inside the circle.

Afterwards, participants raise their hands to the side of the head, wiggle them, and turn around in place until the next sequence begins, with a newly named body part.

Fun? You betcha.

RIP – LUCKY THE SHEEP

EXPIRED: 11/23/09 – Lucky, 23, was a sheep. In some ways, she was pretty lucky, as she lived twice as long as most sheep do. But she was kinda unlucky to have been out & about during a record heat wave in an early Australian summer where temperatures soared to 86 degrees fahrenheit.